The Muffins Killed the Clan!
by America's Crazy Cats
Summary: Why Itachi really killed the Uchiha clan. Please be warned that this is a crack fic. Pure, and utter, crack. Rated that just in case!


**Neko: You will know the reason behind my first true crack fic at the end.**

**Neko-D: We don't own Naruto.**

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**The Muffins Killed the Clan**

_June ninth, 2:04 PM_

Itachi walked into the kitchen, where Mikoto was baking muffins. He spotted the muffins on the table, cooling off after baking. "Mom, can I have a muffin?" He asked, staring at the muffins, Mikoto looked up from her previous task to look at her oldest child, one hand stopped about a foot away from the baking tin.

She was actually making the muffins for a fund raiser at the Academy, Sasuke had told her about it the day before, asking if she would help him with it. "I'm sorry, Itachi, but those are for the fund raiser, you can't have any." She said before going back to mixing another batch of her delicious muffin recipe she had created when she was fifteen.

Itachi blinked a few times, the thirteen year old ANBU captain not used to hearing the word 'no' being told to him. He glared at Mikoto, she didn't seem to notice the killer intent flowing off of her son. "But I want, a muffin, and it's my birthday." He stated, venom dripping from every word he spoke.

Fugaku, putting down the forms for a mission he had been reading, glared back at his son, finding it slightly amusing that he had dared put venom into his voice. "You may not have a muffin, Itachi, and that is final." He said before going back to reading the forms the Sandaime had given to him. Itachi looked truly hurt at that, he stared at his father before looking back at his mother, who nodded to back up Fugaku. Itachi felt the rage begin to build up, and he glared his coldest glare.

_Two hours later_

"Okaa-san! Outo-san!" Called a seven year old Sasuke, running through the Uchiha compound towards his home.

Itachi blinked, he didn't mean to kill the clan, just let it be known that he wanted a muffin. "What... the heck did I do?" He asked no one in particular. Seeing his little brother running towards him, he decided it best to come up with an excuse.

Sasuke stopped dead in his tracks when he caught sight of his brother, being the only one that could have done any of this, standing there, looking cold and murderous. "Nii-san... why?" He asked with fear clear in his voice, staring at his older brother. Itachi looked down on him, kunai in hand and glaring.

He was panicking on the inside though, he really didn't mean to kill the clan, and now, his brother was going to hate him, all because of a muffin... Great. He quickly thought of something. "I did it to test my abilities, foolish little brother." He said it as though it was the real reason it had happened. Sasuke's eyes widened, and tears began flowing from his widened eyes.

"That's it?! You did it to test your abilities?!" He yelled, beginning to shake with both fear and rage. His 'brother' had done something as terrible as this... No, no it couldn't be, the Itachi he knew would never! "That's it... you can't be my brother... because..." He started.

"The brother you wanted to spend time with has done this... To ascertain your 'capacity'... I continued acting as the elder brother you desired, and I became your companion to see if that potential lies hidden." Itachi cut off, staring at his younger brother, and making it up as he went along. "It would be worthless... to kill someone like you... my foolish little brother... If you want to kill me... curse me! Hate me! And live a long and unsightly life... Run away... Run away... and cling to your pitiful life. And someday, when you have the same eyes as me, come before me, and kill me." He stated before Sasuke collapsed, fainting from all that had happened. Itachi caught him before he hit the ground.

He sighed and used a henge before taking his brother to the hospital, and leaving the village.

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A fish like man sat next to a mad looking Itachi on the forest floor, who was actually just hiding the fact that he was feeling quite guilty. "So... that's the reason you killed your clan?" He asked, grinning at the twenty one year old Uchiha, who he had asked of the happenings of years past. Itachi nodded slightly, looking guiltier the before. "Man! That's rich!" The fish man stated, rolling around laughing.

Itachi glared at him, before looking at the bushes when he heard a loud 'thump!' noise. He slowly got up and walked over to the bush, only to find his fifteen year old brother laying there, twitching and foaming at the mouth. Itachi sweat dropped, staring at the two before stating. "Idiots." And stalking off to mope.

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**Neko-D: --raofl--**

**Neko: --slowly backing away from Itachi, who showed up in the middle of her writing-- Uh, now, now, Itachi-san... PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!!!!! --ducks and puts arms over head in defense--**

**Itachi: ...What... The h were you thinking?! --glares at Neko, who backs up even more--**

**Neko: Uh, I was thinking my Mom had asked me to help her to write by writing something myself, and it had to be based around muffins. --backs up even more, and grabs a tin of muffins while smiling a scared smile-- Eh heh.**

**Itachi: --glare--**

**Neko: Uh. --runs, dropping muffin tin behind her--**

**Itachi: 3... 2... 1... --chases Neko, who screams--**

**Sorry about using so many of the manga quotes!**


End file.
